Total Recall

When God in His infinite mercy gave me the insight to turn away from my life as a pretender of faith, one of the things he allowed me to retain was memory of the past. If needed, I have the ability to recall things that happened in my life over the past many years - things that are both significant and insignificant. This ability actually contradicts my overall intelligence as I know that I have very poor memory - I can't remember numbers such as phone numbers, house numbers, street numbers, dates. I am also a terrible listener - I only listen to less that one third of any conversation, my mind wanders too much. So there are times when I wondered about the reason for this ability that I have about recalling my past life. Then the answer came in the form of a phone call this morning while attending the Sunday Mass, exactly when the priest was saying the Eucharistic prayers.

I have stopped taking my phone into the church. So when the phone rang this morning during the Mass, I didn't have to scramble looking for my phone. (Just to get off the subject for a minute, what is the matter with people with iPhones, don't they know that the phone comes with more than one ringtone? Almost every iPhone out there is set to the default ringtone, so when it rings you will see hordes of people reaching into their pocket. Okay, I am done.) Then I watched in utter amazement as the guy across the aisle from me picked up his phone and answered it. Now I have seen many people reaching for their phones to reject the call or to silence it, but it was the first time I saw somebody actually answering the phone on his knees. As the priest prayed to the Holy Spirit to convert the bread and wine into the precious Body and Blood of our Lord Jesus Christ, this person went onto talk on the phone for about five minutes. As he was talking on the phone, I realized that my initial reaction of amazement was gradually turning into anger. But before anger took a complete hold of me, that memory thing I talked earlier came into play and showed me excerpts of something that happened a couple of years ago: I saw a man sitting at a Church during Homily texting vigorously using his iPhone. Shame on him too I said - he is no different than the man across the aisle talking on iPhone. One was smart and did it discretely. This guy here is, well.., less sneaky and therefore chose not to hide. Then I saw the face of the man texting messages on the phone, and it was me (ah, what a shame!). 

Now I know why God has retained all those memories in me. When I use those memories of the old me in ways intended by God, it acts as anti-venom - to suppress my venomous nature of judging others. It is God's way of telling me "Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her" (John 8:7). It took me almost thirty nine years before I learned the importance of finding time for God. Some find it sooner, some find it later, then there are others whose faith is known to God alone. I have no right to judge the man who answered the phone. That being said, as a follower of Jesus Christ, I have every right to judge the action of that man - what he did was wrong, just like what I did two years ago was wrong. I didn't know the man, so I couldn't tell him. God saved me from getting angry this morning by reminding me of the old myself. Instead of fuming in anger, the Holy Spirit inspired me to pray for him - asking God to give the man wisdom to love Him and to put him in a company of friends who could talk to him about the importance of spending time with God.

In our busy life, we always find it difficult to find time for God. We spend a lot of time amassing the fortunes of this materialistic world. Then we spend even more time trying to maintain the fortune we have accumulated. And we have very little time to enjoy the all these fortunes. In between we have no time left for God anymore. The simple act of going to church for an hour once a week is tedious for us. I believe that it is not just a coincidence that we have no time for God, there has to be something more to it than that. I think there are forces at work here that works overtime to keep us busy, to keep us away from God. I know this because I used to be a busy man. Looking back at that busy life, I can also clearly see the futility behind many of the things that demanded too much of my time. I see things that I could've easily avoided to spend more time with God and also with my family. Back then, that part of my vision was blurred as I could never see the erroneous side of my actions. As I move forward, I no longer worry about wasting much of my life chasing things without any meaning. I realize that my past is a gift of God just like my present. It serves as a screen upon which I can reflect my current life - my past helps me to keep my present honest. 

If any of you find it difficult to spend a little bit of your time with God, I encourage you to reflect upon the cry of Jesus on the cross: "I thirst" (John 19:28). What was Jesus' thirst all about? The God who said "Whoever drinks the water I shall give will never thirst" (John 4:14), was He thirsting for water on the cross? Or, was He thirsting to draw humanity near to Him? I pray that God give you the wisdom to realize that it was not water that Jesus wanted, but He was thirsting for us to come to him to "drink from the spring of eternal life". We all have a responsibility to quench the thirst of Jesus by actively participating in Eucharist, even if it is only once a week for an hour. 

"But the hour is coming, and is now here, when true worshippers will worship the Father in Spirit and truth; and indeed the Father seeks such people to worship him. God is Spirit, and those who worship him must worship him in Spirit and truth" (John 4:23,24).