A Friend in Need...

We come across so many people during our lifetime. Over the course of time few of them become our friends, but majority remains as just people we know or people we met. Why do we have so few friends? You might disagree with me with the help of your friends from social networking sites, or even by displaying the vast circle of friends you have from work, school, society, church so on and so forth. But I think we call many people friends because we see friendship in conditional terms - we are their friends because they are our friends. We remain friends with them as long as they are willing to put equal effort into maintaining the relationship. And we know who they are - when we see each other, we complain "you never call me anymore!" (Why is it that I have to call you, why don't you call me instead?). When we look closely at these friends, what we realize is that nothing happens or nothing much changes even if we are no longer friends. 

Then there is another category of friends - the selfish ones. Don't just think of others as the selfish ones, we could also be the selfish one in this relationship. One party has a significant advantage in keeping this friendship, and work extremely hard to maintain it. The advantage could be monetary, status, or just convenience. A sub-category for selfish friends is friends we maintain to ensure inequality - people who are less educated, less fortunate, less beautiful, less powerful. These are our feel good friends, they give us the sense of superiority. When we approach friendship in selfish terms, it is shallow - low in comfort levels and void of emotional depths. 

There are many other types of friendships other than the ones I just mentioned. But these two categories probably answer my original question lot better: Why do we find it hard to find true friends? It would be too naive from my part if I say that I am the only one with this problem - true friendships that are unconditional and selfless are disappearing from todays society. What I realized recently is that I have lost most friends than I ever gained. I considered many to be there on my side if I ever ran into trouble, after all a friend in need is a friend indeed. Unfortunately I found none when I needed one. But at the same time I found myself being surrounded and helped by a group of friendly folks, people whom I never considered friends. I had nothing to offer them in return, but that didn't prevent me from getting equality within the circle. It took me a while to figure out what the motivating factor behind these friendships were - it was (is) God. 

Friendship is not a human invention. The first friendship was instituted by God - He created us in His own image and established a friendly relationship. This was done out of pure Love - God had nothing to gain in doing so. The Catechism of Catholic Church teaches us: "God, infinitely perfect and blessed in himself, in a plan of sheer goodness freely created man to make him share in his own blessed life." When we stray away from this relationship based on pure Love, all our other relationships including friendship becomes invalid. When we take God out of our lives, we find ourselves remote and self-centered. Reaching outward is difficult because there is nothing good within to share. In this state, life becomes superficial and we seek the company of benefactors and enablers. Many of the people who find it difficult to accept the changes in me came to know me when I was separated from God. I know that the reason for the way they react is a direct result of my past life. I also understand that most of the flares in my daily relationship with others is a good thing, it means I am doing something right - not politically, but spiritually. I sort of understand what Jesus meant when He said, "Do not think that I have come to bring peace upon the earth. I have come to bring not peace but the sword. For I have come to set a man 'against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and one's enemies will be those of his household" (Matthew 10:34-36). 

So if anybody out there found me boring lately or if you are annoyed because I refuse to discuss politics, sports, movies, or other current issues, I offer no apologies. Not because I have found a new way to be arrogant, but because I can't apologize for seeking God. I must say that I do in fact still have a strong desire to indulge in sports, movies and everything in between, but "For his sake I have accepted the loss of all things and I consider them so much rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him" (Philippians 3:8,9) As I tally up people who have become blessings in my life, I find one thing common in all of them - God. These people have a desire to seek God - to know Him and to love Him. They have a desire to practice the teachings of Jesus Christ without making compromises in every day life. These are people who admits themselves as flawed, but finds strength in the saving grace of God, in the Holy Spirit, through Jesus Christ, the Savior and Redeemer.

"Mend your ways, encourage one another, agree with one another, live in peace, and the God of love and peace will be with you" (2 Corinthians 13:11)