As I am getting ready to attend several weekend retreats over the next month or so, I spent last several days trying to figure out my true intentions behind attending these retreats. Most of my life, I was an opponent of retreats because I felt that people are attending it only for physical and material gains, I thought of it as fast food version of faith served up in styrofoam containers. In the past, I found three kinds of people attending retreats; one kind tossed their faith out of the window as soon as they obtained what they were hoping to get out of a retreat, the other kind (this is also the majority) ran from retreats to retreats desperately because they never received what they were seeking, the third kind were just obnoxious, they talked and acted like they are walking around with God in their pockets. I began attending retreats and became more active in prayer groups when God, in His infinite mercy, introduced a fourth kind of people to me; these were people who considered themselves sinners, prone to temptations of everyday life, they relied on God through the Risen Christ to strengthen them in their weaknesses and to pick them up every time they falter. By writing the following article, I am in no way judging the actions of others, I am only clarifying my view on retreats, prayer groups and faith communities.
People have a tendency to seek God in times of trouble, as a solution for their distress, afflictions and addictions. Unfortunately, the danger is that, while searching for a drastic cure, they night adopt a harsh version version of Christianity, one that is highly addictive and has the power to hurt themselves and also those around them. The problem with seeking God is that nobody knows where to look for Him. In fact, it works the other way around, God seeks us and finds us when He intends to do so. What we should be doing is keep our hearts open and minds alert, so that when He calls us we can answer back.
The process of answering back to God's call is a lifelong process, it is a slow process also. We might experience a sudden change in our circumstances when we answer His call; there could be healing from physical afflictions, deliverance from addictions, and relief from many distresses. The sad reality is that when such things happen, many of those recipients might take it as a sign that they have suddenly turned into a new person, one that is favored by God. What makes it even more dangerous is that it is not just the recipient who is prone to such a thought, many among the witnesses could also jump into such conclusions. The net result is that we fail to see the infinite mercy and saving grace of God when such miracles occur. During His time on earth, the Bible says that Jesus performed many miracles, many of them were physical healings. Jesus cured the afflictions of those who had faith; being righteous or pure of heart was never a condition. Jesus, in fact, spent a lot of time with the sinners and the tax collectors; He dined with them, slept at their homes, even took one as disciple. It is definite then that God doesn't seek out the righteous and the upright to bestow His graces upon, and being on the receiving end of such graces would never make anyone righteous or upright.
Healing and deliverances are nothing more than annunciations, it is God's way of announcing the arrival of Jesus in us; it is not a sudden transfiguration of us into new heavenly beings filled with Jesus, but the beginning of a subtle transformation experienced through the pain and sufferings of Jesus Christ. Human beings are not meant to be changed overnight; we can't let go who we are abruptly, we cannot be taken out of the context of our family and community in an instant, a merciful God knows that. Answering God's call is not the end of it all, rather it is only the beginning. It is the start of a lifelong journey of metamorphosis through meditation, contemplation, prayer and mentoring. It is allowing God to create some confusion and frustration in our lives, forcing us to turn around and face ourselves, to do a self-examination, to cease from pointing fingers and to accept responsibility for our own actions. It is allowing God to put mentors in our path, they could be people we already know, but never considered worthy to be our role models; our family, friends and even those whom we considered enemies. It is allowing God to instill His Spirit in us to teach us to pray, to show us the path to sanctity.
Anybody can walk around thinking that they have found God, using God as an excuse for anything and everything. It is not God we have found, if our new found "divinity" reinforces all our prejudices and allow us to call ourselves special at the expense of others. It is not God we have found if it gives us the right to judge. It is definitely not God we have found, if we are being urged to force our newly found "faith" down the throats of every "sinner" that crosses our path . What we have found is our alter ego, a parasite, sucking the life out of the caterpillar before it can ever be transformed into a butterfly.
I attend retreats because it is my opportunity to be a part of the Communion of Saints. It helps me seek, not God, but His kingdom and justice. It is my opportunity to meet people who can assist me in my search; a search, I hope, I would never get to see the end of. It is also my opportunity to acknowledge all the blessings I have received throughout my life, and to allow God to shatter by limited expectations with His great abundance, again.
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