The First One Called

November 30 is the Feast of St. Andrew, the Apostle. For most of us Andrew is just the younger brother of St. Peter, who was born in Bethsaida on the Sea of Galilee. The New Testament doesn't say much about Andrew, but there is enough there to reveal some interesting facts. In Orthodox tradition Andrew is known by another name - Prōtoklētos, or the First-called! St. Andrew was the first disciple of Jesus. To get clarification we need to read the Gospel of John Chapter 1:35-42 along with Matthew Chapter 4:18-20. St. John tells us that Andrew was originally a disciple of John the Baptist. When John pointed to Jesus and said, "Behold the Lamb of God" Andrew along with another disciple left John and followed Jesus to His house. There is no mention since about the other disciple who accompanied Andrew, so it can be concluded that he never stayed on. Andrew, however, after visiting Jesus' home went and brought his brother Simon Peter. It is believed that Andrew and Peter continued their trade as fishermen until Christ called them to a closer relationship, as we see in the Gospel of Matthew. 

Fear Not

I still remember the day when the oldest of our three kids was born. Unfortunately something still hurts in me when I think about it,unlike the birth of our other two kids. I think it is because it was the first time in my life I was scared for the life of a loved one. I remember how a room with a doctor and nurse attending my wife in labor along with myself and a relative - a room filled with happiness and anticipation of a new life - turned into a room filled doctors and nurses with intense faces, in a matter of minutes. Like many of us, I too never liked to think about death, especially of myself or one of my loved ones. Death was something that happened elsewhere - to people I didn't care much about and in places I didn't know about. Then in an instant, in that hospital room, I became aware of the ultimate danger. My daughter is now nine years old and my wife is, let's just say, nine years older - in short, everything turned out to be okay that day. But I still shudder when I think about that day.

Mother Teresa and Divine Providence

Divine Providence is a heavily disputed subject even among many of the faithful followers of Christ. So what is Divine Providence? I would say that it is what Jesus talked about when He said: "So do not worry and say'What are we to eat?' or 'What are we to drink?' or 'What are we to wear?' ...But seek the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides." (Matthew 6:31,33). Divine Providence is trusting in God - believing that He would provide what we need when we need it. But we no longer live in a society that depends on God for food and shelter. We are rational beings - people who know that unless we show up to work in the morning everyday, there won't be any food on the table. Even as I grow in my faith, I found it hard to believe in a God who can also be a Provider. And I know that I am not the only one to have this attitude as I find many people with strong faith who simply refuse to believe that God can provide them with everything they need as long as they are willing to follow Him with all their heart. 

Gauging My Faith

The Crucifixion of St. Peter
Caravaggio, 1600 AD

There times when I wonder how strong my faith is. This question becomes even more valid as I am getting ready to join a small group of faithful lay people in our church to form a forum with the intention of promoting faith within the community. 

Over the last year, I was blessed enough to meet many people whose faith is incomprehensible to me. I know a doctor who who uses his office to hold Bible studies in the evenings. I know an unemployed man who spends all day making rosaries to raise money for the needy. Then there are a lot of people in between these two - people who are willing to do anything without any regard of the consequences, in the love of Christ Jesus. I don't think any of them have benefitted significantly for doing what they do. If anything, their lives are filled with sacrifices - both personal and financial.  But somehow they were able to stay in their faith and grow in their faith. I often thank God for placing me in the company of people with strong faith, because I have a tendency to be proud about my achievements - whether it be faith, health or wealth. But a glimpse of these people is more than enough to me bring me back on to earth and fills me with the reality that my faith is anything but solid.

What am I thankful for?

I was never really big on Thanksgiving - I never could think of anything to be thankful about. I always looked at everything I have as fruits of my own labor. I had nobody to thank for anything - I was fully deserving of everything I had. 

But over the last year, God has given me the grace to see things differently. Looking back, I now know that I haven't done anything to deserve many of the most important things in my life. To start with, there is my wife - her name means 'God is gracious', and I wish I had known that sooner. She came into my life when I had my head up in the clouds, but somehow she walked right along with me keeping her eyes on the ground all along. Most of our married life up to this point was like a road full of humps, but she absorbed most of the shocks to make my journey smoother. I don't know what I have done to deserve the one handsome boy and two beautiful girls we have. Their love is so pure and abundant, it makes me ashamed of my selfish, self-loving ways. How could I claim any credit in having a mom and dad like I do? They have always set aside their pleasure and comfort to raise my sister and me. What can I say about my sister? I don't think there is anything I would be able to do to reciprocate the love and concern she has for me.

Total Recall

When God in His infinite mercy gave me the insight to turn away from my life as a pretender of faith, one of the things he allowed me to retain was memory of the past. If needed, I have the ability to recall things that happened in my life over the past many years - things that are both significant and insignificant. This ability actually contradicts my overall intelligence as I know that I have very poor memory - I can't remember numbers such as phone numbers, house numbers, street numbers, dates. I am also a terrible listener - I only listen to less that one third of any conversation, my mind wanders too much. So there are times when I wondered about the reason for this ability that I have about recalling my past life. Then the answer came in the form of a phone call this morning while attending the Sunday Mass, exactly when the priest was saying the Eucharistic prayers.

I have stopped taking my phone into the church. So when the phone rang this morning during the Mass, I didn't have to scramble looking for my phone. (Just to get off the subject for a minute, what is the matter with people with iPhones, don't they know that the phone comes with more than one ringtone? Almost every iPhone out there is set to the default ringtone, so when it rings you will see hordes of people reaching into their pocket. Okay, I am done.) Then I watched in utter amazement as the guy across the aisle from me picked up his phone and answered it. Now I have seen many people reaching for their phones to reject the call or to silence it, but it was the first time I saw somebody actually answering the phone on his knees. As the priest prayed to the Holy Spirit to convert the bread and wine into the precious Body and Blood of our Lord Jesus Christ, this person went onto talk on the phone for about five minutes. As he was talking on the phone, I realized that my initial reaction of amazement was gradually turning into anger. But before anger took a complete hold of me, that memory thing I talked earlier came into play and showed me excerpts of something that happened a couple of years ago: I saw a man sitting at a Church during Homily texting vigorously using his iPhone. Shame on him too I said - he is no different than the man across the aisle talking on iPhone. One was smart and did it discretely. This guy here is, well.., less sneaky and therefore chose not to hide. Then I saw the face of the man texting messages on the phone, and it was me (ah, what a shame!). 

Now I know why God has retained all those memories in me. When I use those memories of the old me in ways intended by God, it acts as anti-venom - to suppress my venomous nature of judging others. It is God's way of telling me "Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her" (John 8:7). It took me almost thirty nine years before I learned the importance of finding time for God. Some find it sooner, some find it later, then there are others whose faith is known to God alone. I have no right to judge the man who answered the phone. That being said, as a follower of Jesus Christ, I have every right to judge the action of that man - what he did was wrong, just like what I did two years ago was wrong. I didn't know the man, so I couldn't tell him. God saved me from getting angry this morning by reminding me of the old myself. Instead of fuming in anger, the Holy Spirit inspired me to pray for him - asking God to give the man wisdom to love Him and to put him in a company of friends who could talk to him about the importance of spending time with God.

In our busy life, we always find it difficult to find time for God. We spend a lot of time amassing the fortunes of this materialistic world. Then we spend even more time trying to maintain the fortune we have accumulated. And we have very little time to enjoy the all these fortunes. In between we have no time left for God anymore. The simple act of going to church for an hour once a week is tedious for us. I believe that it is not just a coincidence that we have no time for God, there has to be something more to it than that. I think there are forces at work here that works overtime to keep us busy, to keep us away from God. I know this because I used to be a busy man. Looking back at that busy life, I can also clearly see the futility behind many of the things that demanded too much of my time. I see things that I could've easily avoided to spend more time with God and also with my family. Back then, that part of my vision was blurred as I could never see the erroneous side of my actions. As I move forward, I no longer worry about wasting much of my life chasing things without any meaning. I realize that my past is a gift of God just like my present. It serves as a screen upon which I can reflect my current life - my past helps me to keep my present honest. 

If any of you find it difficult to spend a little bit of your time with God, I encourage you to reflect upon the cry of Jesus on the cross: "I thirst" (John 19:28). What was Jesus' thirst all about? The God who said "Whoever drinks the water I shall give will never thirst" (John 4:14), was He thirsting for water on the cross? Or, was He thirsting to draw humanity near to Him? I pray that God give you the wisdom to realize that it was not water that Jesus wanted, but He was thirsting for us to come to him to "drink from the spring of eternal life". We all have a responsibility to quench the thirst of Jesus by actively participating in Eucharist, even if it is only once a week for an hour. 

"But the hour is coming, and is now here, when true worshippers will worship the Father in Spirit and truth; and indeed the Father seeks such people to worship him. God is Spirit, and those who worship him must worship him in Spirit and truth" (John 4:23,24). 

Hating God

Looking back at my life away from God, I can say it with certainty that I never hated God. But I also know that there is nothing in that awareness for me to be proud about. No, I am not being humble here. The only reason I could say with certainty that I didn't hate God is because I never cared about God. So what's my point? Here it is: In order for for somebody to hate God, they need to believe in God. Not just any god, but they need to believe in an All-powerful, Almighty, Omnipresent, Omniscient God.

Atheists have no reason to hate God - how could anyone hate someone or something that doesn't exist? I can't understand the mindset of an atheist any way (I never was an atheist, I was an agnostic. Yes I know, nothing to be proud about). On one hand they go around and tell everybody that there is no such thing called an absolute truth, then on the other hand they proclaim the non-existence of God as a definite truth. They credit the existence of humans to mere chance, an accidental byproduct of time, matter and energy - something the nature failed to abort in time. It is like your parents telling you that you were conceived by accident, that they never wanted you to be born. On top of it, they are also telling you that since you are created by accident, there is no particular purpose for your existence. Just dine, dance and die. If you ask me, that is a way grim way to look at life. No wonder suicide rates are much higher in educated societies than the uneducated poor societies of the world. Atheists take hope away from life. But why would anybody want to live in this world filled with pain and sufferings, if there is nothing to hope for - either in this life or the next?

Talking about hope, I believe hope is what gets God in trouble. Of all the hardships we face in our lives, there is nothing more torturous than the simple act of waiting. Hope require waiting; God's timetable is password protected, we don't have access to it. And that is a problem. If I am out of work and my wife and kids are eating dust to survive, or if I am a widow whose husband died in an accident a year ago and just got news that my only kid is diagnosed with terminal cancer, or if I am a recovering drug addict who prays constantly for mental strength but only see an increase in tempting circumstances, then I would have a problem with that timetable that God is keeping. Because I can't think of a better time for God to intervene than now. Am I suppose to be hopeful when my wife leave me and the starving kids to have a new life with my best (ex)friend? How about watching my son dying slowly in the midst of mind numbing pain? Am I to blame for failing to resist constant temptations and getting drawn back into a life of addiction? I prayed, I believed, and I hoped. But nothing happened. People in despair hate God. People hate God when hope is shattered.

When we hope, we do it according to how we want things to turn out. This might look perfectly fine on the surface. But what we fail to recognize is that hope is not just expectation, but it is also desire of what the future should be like. When we design how our future ought to be like, unknowingly we are elevating ourselves to be gods. Hope centered on self fails to see the whole picture, instead we assume that what we see is the whole picture. When we set our mind on a certain outcome for our situation, we take God's will out of the equation and forgets, "The human heart plans the way, but the LORD directs the steps" (Proverbs 16:9). Trusting in God and having hope in Him should help us realize that the life on earth is not everything, rather it is only a small part of a life that goes on. Sufferings and pain are not God's design, instead they are the byproducts of us wandering away from God's mercy. But just like anything else, God uses and thus He allows, pain and suffering to draw us back to Him - in this life or the next one. 

"All things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28). St. Thomas More knew this: Before his execution, he joked with his executioner that his beard was totally innocent of any crimes and did not deserve to be harmed during the beheading. He then positioned himself so that his beard wouldn't be cut off while they cut his head off. St. Lawrence of Rome told his executioners, "I am done on this side, now turn me over" while being grilled on a gridiron. None of us are no longer expected to be this brave to keep our hope alive. Those who hate God, if there is any sense left in you, should ask: What is going to be next? Are you going to hate Him enough to say that there is no God? But how is that going to solve anything? How is the knowledge that there is no purpose for pain and suffering going to give you comfort? Do you think about God only when things are not going well, to blame Him and to hate Him? When we direct our anger and hatred towards heaven, all we are doing is exposing our ignorance of God, His life as Jesus, and His teachings through the Bible. For beginners, just know that your free will to hate Him is also a grace of God - a gift wrapped in pure Love. 

"We know that all creation is groaning in labor pains even until now; and not only that, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, we also groan within ourselves as we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies. For in hope we were saved. Now hope that sees for itself is not hope. For who hopes for what one sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait with endurance." (Romans 8:22-25)

Ask and You Shall Receive

One of the things people with faith in God does in time of need is prayer. As Christians, we are encouraged by our faith to believe in a God who is also a provider - "With God all things are possible" (Matthew 19:26). The Bible is filled with narratives of how God hears the cries of the sick and the suffering, and how He delivers them from their miseries. But I have also noticed a tendency among faithful Christians: they refuse to ask God's help in time of need. Many choose to suffer through their sickness and barely make it through in their daily life, thinking that it is God's will. They often rationalize their state by saying that they haven't done anything so bad to deserve what they are going through, so God must have a good reason for allowing it to happen to them. They might not blame God for their miseries, but not all that happy with Him for letting them suffer. They think it is futile to ask in prayer because, if it was not God's will for it to happen, then a loving God would have fix the problem even without asking. 

People may have many reasons to believe in God and to pray to Him without ever making a personal petition. But in doing so, they are closing their eyes towards a bigger truth about God - He is the giver of all gifts to carry out His plan and purpose. And if any one of us think that God's plan and purpose for us is to live in pain, to suffer with sickness, to agonize over our daily needs, then we don't believe "God is love" (1 John 4:8). For, a loving God could never allow human - the epitome of His creation - to live a life of pain and suffering. If we ever stop and look at the prayer that Jesus taught us, we will see that it is not just a prayer of praises but it is a prayer of petition also. If 'Give us our daily bread', 'Forgive our trespasses', 'Lead us not into temptation', and 'Deliver us from evil' are not petitions to God, then what is?

One of the things that puzzled me over the years was why do we have ask. If all good things come from God and if God's graces are free for all, then why do I need to go in there and ask for help with a particular problem that I am having. Why can't God just step in and take care of it for me. We need to ask because we have fallen out of God's grace through our sins. When we ask, it equates to repentance and humility. To ask is letting go of our pride. By petitioning to God, we are opening ourselves to the mercy of God. This is also the reason why prayers are not always answered right away. Often we ask without fully believing in His mercy, without fully humbling ourselves, and without fully forgiving others. Also, God would sometimes hold back to test our loyalty and perseverance. But Jesus told us the parable of the Persistent Widow to remind us "about the necessity to pray always without becoming weary" (Luke 18:1) of the outcome. St. Paul tells us that we have to keep doing good and stay in God's grace without giving up hope: "Let us not grow tired of doing good, for in due time we shall reap our harvest, if we do not give up" (Galatians 6:9). 

So today, if you are thinking about giving up your hope because you haven't seen any change in your situation, think again. God in His infinite wisdom must have a reason for not granting your wish, but that doesn't mean He wouldn't grant it in the future when the time is more appropriate. But we would never get to realize the wish if we are not with Him in the due time. And if you are person who never asked God anything, but to chose to suffer through the difficulties, think again. How would you ever know if it is God's will to have you suffer unless you ask Him?

                           "Your way, God, is holy:
                                    what god is as great as our God?
                             You are the God who does wonders;
                                    among the peoples you have revealed your might.
                             With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
                                    the children of Jacob and Joseph." (Psalm 77:14-16)

A Friend in Need...

We come across so many people during our lifetime. Over the course of time few of them become our friends, but majority remains as just people we know or people we met. Why do we have so few friends? You might disagree with me with the help of your friends from social networking sites, or even by displaying the vast circle of friends you have from work, school, society, church so on and so forth. But I think we call many people friends because we see friendship in conditional terms - we are their friends because they are our friends. We remain friends with them as long as they are willing to put equal effort into maintaining the relationship. And we know who they are - when we see each other, we complain "you never call me anymore!" (Why is it that I have to call you, why don't you call me instead?). When we look closely at these friends, what we realize is that nothing happens or nothing much changes even if we are no longer friends. 

Then there is another category of friends - the selfish ones. Don't just think of others as the selfish ones, we could also be the selfish one in this relationship. One party has a significant advantage in keeping this friendship, and work extremely hard to maintain it. The advantage could be monetary, status, or just convenience. A sub-category for selfish friends is friends we maintain to ensure inequality - people who are less educated, less fortunate, less beautiful, less powerful. These are our feel good friends, they give us the sense of superiority. When we approach friendship in selfish terms, it is shallow - low in comfort levels and void of emotional depths. 

There are many other types of friendships other than the ones I just mentioned. But these two categories probably answer my original question lot better: Why do we find it hard to find true friends? It would be too naive from my part if I say that I am the only one with this problem - true friendships that are unconditional and selfless are disappearing from todays society. What I realized recently is that I have lost most friends than I ever gained. I considered many to be there on my side if I ever ran into trouble, after all a friend in need is a friend indeed. Unfortunately I found none when I needed one. But at the same time I found myself being surrounded and helped by a group of friendly folks, people whom I never considered friends. I had nothing to offer them in return, but that didn't prevent me from getting equality within the circle. It took me a while to figure out what the motivating factor behind these friendships were - it was (is) God. 

Friendship is not a human invention. The first friendship was instituted by God - He created us in His own image and established a friendly relationship. This was done out of pure Love - God had nothing to gain in doing so. The Catechism of Catholic Church teaches us: "God, infinitely perfect and blessed in himself, in a plan of sheer goodness freely created man to make him share in his own blessed life." When we stray away from this relationship based on pure Love, all our other relationships including friendship becomes invalid. When we take God out of our lives, we find ourselves remote and self-centered. Reaching outward is difficult because there is nothing good within to share. In this state, life becomes superficial and we seek the company of benefactors and enablers. Many of the people who find it difficult to accept the changes in me came to know me when I was separated from God. I know that the reason for the way they react is a direct result of my past life. I also understand that most of the flares in my daily relationship with others is a good thing, it means I am doing something right - not politically, but spiritually. I sort of understand what Jesus meant when He said, "Do not think that I have come to bring peace upon the earth. I have come to bring not peace but the sword. For I have come to set a man 'against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and one's enemies will be those of his household" (Matthew 10:34-36). 

So if anybody out there found me boring lately or if you are annoyed because I refuse to discuss politics, sports, movies, or other current issues, I offer no apologies. Not because I have found a new way to be arrogant, but because I can't apologize for seeking God. I must say that I do in fact still have a strong desire to indulge in sports, movies and everything in between, but "For his sake I have accepted the loss of all things and I consider them so much rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him" (Philippians 3:8,9) As I tally up people who have become blessings in my life, I find one thing common in all of them - God. These people have a desire to seek God - to know Him and to love Him. They have a desire to practice the teachings of Jesus Christ without making compromises in every day life. These are people who admits themselves as flawed, but finds strength in the saving grace of God, in the Holy Spirit, through Jesus Christ, the Savior and Redeemer.

"Mend your ways, encourage one another, agree with one another, live in peace, and the God of love and peace will be with you" (2 Corinthians 13:11)

False Advertisement

I can't remember the last time somebody criticized me for something I did! Growing up, people considered me as the creme of the crop. Mothers of rogue little ones used me as a measuring stick to spank the bottoms of little rascals they were bringing up. Though I never asked to be the poster boy for Goody two-shoes, I never objected it either. And to my credit, I have always tried my best to keep up with my image. I must say that I almost succeeded in convincing everybody that I am not too far off from being immaculate. The problem was that I was anything but the perception of what I was. I too did everything just like everybody else of my age - watched movies inappropriate for a kid, tried smoking as a teenager, tasted Johnny Walker as a young adult, all the while staring at girls. Unlike many of my poor friends who got branded with bad reputation, I did it when no one was looking. You see, I had a reputation to keep up with, the other guys didn't. I did it smartly, the others were careless. 

One of the problems with 'trying to be somebody you are not' or 'trying to appear to be somebody better than you actually are' is the enormous pressure it comes with. It is like walking around with a blinking light on the top of your head, you are constantly being reminded that you are the object of attention. Everybody from the barber who cuts your hair to your kindergarten teacher takes pride in knowing you, for having an acquaintance with you. On one hand you are being elevated by the cause of joy for many, but on the other hand you are being stampeded by the guilt of deception and fear of getting caught. 

To hide is human. The problem is humans also like to put on a show. From a seventy year old retiree who dyes his hair to hide gray to a twenty something executive who chews on mint to cover up alcoholic breath, we all like to put on a show of our good side. We chase perfection not because we love it, but because we are playing 'keeping up with Joneses'. We want to fit into the utopian society, knowing fully well that the society is made up of individuals just like us - dirty on the inside, clean outside. We are husbands and wives who constantly fight behind closed doors, but participates in and wins Best Couples competition. We are parents who spend entire day lecturing kids about putting on good behavior at the dinner table just for one night only because we have guests. We are good citizens who watch porn at the privacy of our homes and speaks passionately against abuse of women and children on open stage. We nod our head in agreement when we hear Jesus sharply criticizing the Pharisees without ever realizing that He called us "white washed graves" - dirty inside, clean outside. 

So what am I supposed to do, live like an open notebook and let everybody make fun of me? That takes a lot of guts, but I am not that courageous. I believe the the best solution is Confession - that's right, tell the priest. Here's why: In the Book of Genesis, it clearly says that man and woman were naked after creation (Genesis 2:25). On the top of the surface, this is unwanted information unless you are planning to make a NC-17 rated bible movie. But for our purpose here, this information is a useful tool to compare the immediate action of Adam and Eve upon committing the original sin: "Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made loincloths for themselves" (Genesis 3:7). Adam and Eve committed a sin and their eyes were opened, the immediate reaction was to cover up. The nakedness wasn't just physical, it was also spiritual. This is what happens to us also - the Holy Spirit that dwells in us opens our eyes every time we do something against the will of God. This is not supposed to be a negative thing, it is our Creator's way of telling us to turn away from those actions. What we do is that every time God opens our eyes to see our transgressions, we put a cover over it. The old saying goes, "you can put lipstick on a pig, but it is still a pig". We can cover up our sins to preserve the image of the poster child, but that doesn't get us anywhere with God, "For the Lord explore the mind and test the heart, Giving to all according to their ways, according to the fruit of their deeds" (Jeremiah 17:10). 

The beauty about Catholic confession to a priest is that we are confessing our transgressions to two people at the same time - the priest is the representative of God on earth, and he is also our neighbor. Through confession, even if it is confessing the same sin over and over again, we are exposing ourselves to God in the heavens and also to our neighbor here on earth. In doing so, we are allowing God's grace to work with in us. It strengthens us to withstand temptations, and to recover from addictions. Soon there will be nothing to hide, and we will be able to open our lives to others and let them see hearts filled with saving grace of Lord our God. 

                 "For thus says the high and lofty One,

                       the One who dwells forever, whose name is holy:

                  I dwell in a high and holy place,

                       but also with the contrite and lowly of the spirit,

                  To revive the spirit of the lowly,

                       to revive the heart of the crushed.

                  For I will not accuse forever,

                       nor always be angry;

                  For without me their spirit fails,

                       the life breath that I have given." (Isaiah 57:15,16)

My Peace I Give You

Yesterday Walmart announced that it would open their stores two hours earlier for Black Friday shoppers. So I guess it is time - time to start making lists, checking it, and shopping until you drop every bit of that hard earned penny into the deep pockets of a few privileged Chinese impresarios. Though majority of the US population has no concern for Christ anymore, we care all about Christmas, or at least Christmas shopping. We worry about finding ideal gifts for our family, friends and co-workers, and stress over it when we can't find suitable gifts. As a person who believes wholeheartedly in capitalistic societies, I wouldn't even dare to suggest that we should quit with all these gift nonsense. Instead, I would like to make some practical gift ideas for the upcoming holiday season. 

We usually give gifts to people who are good to us; we also give gifts to people whom we like, love, appreciate or want favors from. This is also the reason why many of us struggle with the "gift of forgiveness". Forgiving others contradicts every thought process of a rational human being, it amounts to saying to the wrongdoer "Thank you for hurting me". Gifts are free and deserving; the person who has wronged us no longer deserve anything free from us - they must "pay" for their actions. We would like to hold onto this gift of forgiveness for as long as we can. We like to see a genuine change of heart from the perpetrator before even consider forgiving him. We always expect some sort of an apology as a precursor. But what we see in the gospels is that Jesus has a totally different way approaching the issue of forgiveness. The best example could be one of the last things that Jesus did - while hanging on a cross, He prayed: "Father, forgive them, they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34). Here, nobody asked for His forgiveness, nobody even showed any kind of remorse for their actions, they were mocking Him, challenging Him to "save himself if he was the chosen one". But for Jesus, it was simply a matter of putting preaching into practice, it was turning the other cheek to the one who struck you on the right cheek, it was handing over the cloak to the one who took possession of your tunic, and walking two miles with the one who forces you to walk with him one mile. 

Forgiveness is a gift, a gift that one can give to an undeserving someone at an undeserving time. Forgiveness challenges human logic because we are being asked to give away something that is rightfully ours to an undeserving somebody, to reward somebody for being mean, rude, hurtful, unfaithful, and everything else that hurt us in some form or shape. Humans want revenge and retaliation when being wronged, and that makes forgiveness a gift from God - something not human. This is what God does, He forgives unconditionally. God made no demands of us before sending His only Son to die for our salvation on a cross, "But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). 

Ever wondered why God would insist so much about forgiving the transgressions of others? It was so important to Jesus that he even made it a condition - one of the few conditions that Jesus has in our relationship with God the Father - in the prayer that he taught us, "Forgive us our sins for we ourselves forgive everyone in debt to us" (Luke 11:4). Here is the thing: amidst all our reasons not to forgive, it must be understood that when we forgive others, we do it for us, not for the other person. Forgiveness is freeing ourselves from the pains and torments of the mind. It is allowing God's grace to heal a heart that bleeds and a body that hurts, through the works of the Holy spirit. It is always good to remember that in The Lord's Prayer, "Deliver us from evil" comes after the forgiveness - there is no deliverance without forgiveness. Choose not to worry about the price paid for the gift of forgiveness, instead look at it as an investment in God's justice and love. It is far worse and cost is immeasurable to think that holding onto our right to hurt, to resent, to negativity, to anger, and to hate would somehow help us feel better. 

"I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father, for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust" (Matthew 5:44,45) 

Catholics are smart

Catholics are smart, we have found an easy way into heaven - through purgatory. What I mean is that we no longer try to get directly to heaven - it is hard, and there is no certainty that anything that you do will take you straight to heaven. We understood what Jesus meant when He said, "Strive to enter through the narrow door, for many, I will tell you, will attempt to enter but will not be strong enough" (Luke 13:24). We understand perfectly that it is easier to go to hell than to get to heaven. And we know this because we have been told so by our parents, catechism teachers, and every other grown up that we ever met who had the good fortune of getting a healthy dose of baptismal water on their forehead. Catholicism we know is a religion of do's and don'ts, a lot more don'ts than do's. 

Looking back at my religious education in a town where 90% of the population was Catholic, I don't remember anybody ever talking about what one should do in order to enter heaven. We were all taught about ways to avoid hell. Churches were overflowing on Sundays and nearly empty on other days - to avoid hell you need to attend Sunday mass. Sacraments were of utmost importance - neither the parents nor the nuns at the local convent want to go to hell for not enrolling or preparing the kids for Holy Communion or Confirmation. As Catholics, we believe that observing sacraments, along with avoiding cardinal sins, will keep hell away. We also have learned from our experience that lying, gossiping, cheating, tax evasion are all part of being a decent Catholic. We know that there are consequences for those things, but they don't land you in hell. Hell is for serial killers and rapists, my little transgressions will guarantee me a place in purgatory, and purgatory is not bad, it is only a temporary place of stay before entering heaven. We have accepted it as a reality that the teachings of Jesus Christ are a bit too much for an ordinary human being to follow; life according the Word of God is no fun. It is impossible to follow Christ in His path, so I will just be a Catholic and go through with the actions - keeping the rules and regulations of the Church. 

Evangelization is somewhat of an unfamiliar word for Catholics. When we hear evangelization, we think of missionary priests or the obnoxious Pentecostal preacher who keeps knocking on your door. But what really is this evangelization? "Evangel" is nothing but another word for the Good News, and what is the Good News? Again the answer is simple, Jesus Christ is the Good News. Evangelization is hearing Jesus Christ, and knowing Him in a personal way. Now that's not Catholic way dealing with Jesus, one might argue. But what is it that Pope Benedict XVI talks about when he say things like, "new evangelization for the transmission of Christian faith ... to help these people encounter the Lord, who alone fills our existence with deep meaning and peace; and to favor the rediscovery of the faith, that source of grace which brings joy and hope to personal, family and social life” (Homily for the Eucharistic celebration for the solemn inauguration of the XIII Ordinary General Assembly of the Synod of Bishops, Rome, 7 October 2012). Could it be that the Pope is trying to remind us that Catholic faith is not about rules, regulations and set devotions, it is about the encounter with Christ - in this life, not just after life? 

Salvation begins when we welcome Jesus into our lives as our Savior. It begins on earth when we are alive. The good news of salvation as narrated in the gospels are about encounters of people with Jesus, and how their lives were changed after the encounter. When you meet Jesus with an open heart, the change is profound - it is meeting God at wherever you are, and Him guiding you to wherever you should be. And Jesus envision all of us to be in the Kingdom of God, "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of food and drink, but of righteousness, peace and joy in holy spirit" (Romans 14:17). God didn't send His only begotten Son to us as a sacrificial lamb so that we all could gather around the bonfire at the purgatory, He wants us to enjoy the freedom that His Son bought us with His own blood, in this life and in the afterlife, into eternity. We are called to be saints, to live the gospel in our everyday life. We are to lead others to Christ by transforming our lives in a radical way, and compelling others to seek righteousness, peace and joy of the Holy spirit by leading the way. Purgatory is not our hope, and we don't put our trust in the prayers of our family members to get us out of purgatory; instead we "strive to enter through the narrow door". We put our hope in our encounter with Jesus Christ himself, for "I am the door. Whoever enters through me will be saved" (John 10:9). 

"By your stubbornness and impenitent heart, you are storing up wrath for yourself for the day of wrath and revelation of the just judgment of God, who will repay everyone according to his works: eternal life to those who seek glory, honor, and immortality through perseverance in good works, but wrath and fury to those who selfishly disobey the truth and obey wickedness." (Romans 2:5-8)

I am getting bored!!!

Ever noticed the vast number number of toys out there - not for kids, but for adults. Grown ups don't call them toys - we call them gadgets. It's all around us. In fact, everything around us is some kind of a gadget nowadays. Gadgets are our way of fixing a big problem that we face in today's fast paced society - boredom. We all complain about not having enough time to do anything, we stay busy all the time. But we are also bored - we are tired of being too busy, getting up to do the same thing over and over everyday. We use the gadgets to relieve boredom - TV, computer, video games, texting, social networking, so on and so forth. But ever stopped and looked at the other side of these gadgets (no, not the side that says 'Designed in USA and Made in China'). Ever thought about the gadgets as objects that actually add on to our busy lifestyle - we don't have enough time for anything because we have too many of these toys to deal with!

Let's talk about hell

The Rich Man being led to hell (Luke 16:14-31)
By David Teniers the Younger - 1647

I think that I spent a lot of time talking and writing about the God of Love, God our Father. What I realized lately is that while talking about God's love all the time I have failed to acknowledge the other side of Him, God of judgement. Before coming into terms with a God who would send His beloved creation to hell, I need to come into terms with the fact that there does exist a hell. Among the people who believe in God, afterlife, and heaven, many resist the idea of hell. When we think about hell, the common image is that of fire. But I need something more than that, hell can't be just about a lake of fire where sinful souls burn forever. As humans, we don't like to be burned by fire, it hurts our body, not our soul. So what kind of effect would fire have for a soul in hell? So it's not fire that makes hell HELL, there has to be something more - something to torment a soul with.