Lying at the Confessional

Growing up as a Catholic, one of the most humiliating things I had to endure was going to a confession. This is when you have to kneel down in front of a priest, most of the time a priest who knows you, and say all the bad things you have done. As a "sophisticated" youngster with plenty of pride, I hated it with all my heart. But a confession is an absolute must to receive the body and blood of Christ, and the Church insists at least one confession every year. Can you imagine being the only one sitting down without Receiving on Christmas or Easter, all those piercing eyes of your peers  casting you off with the likes of Judas Iscariot, "the son of destruction" (John 17:12), and Gabbar Singh, the antagonist from the movie Sholay. 

I found the answer to my problem in one particular priest. I later learned that most of my peers with those piercing eyes found him a lot sooner than I did. His name is of no significance, but he was among many other things, a priest, a college professor, partner of two local movie theaters, and an exorcist. As a priest, he could finish saying a Mass in 15 minutes, and that's on a bad day. As a Malayalam professor, he will forever be remembered for saying "aa kasaappusala" (that butcher shop) as "aakaasa poosaala" (flower shop in the sky), then spending rest of the hour explaining the significance of this flower shop. He has the backing of numerous testimonies from old ladies to show that his exorcism has some teeth. He is the local incarnation of Hugh Hefner to college students because the " noon show" at one of his movie theaters showed more skin than what he himself revealed wearing his white cassock. 

The beauty about going to confession to this priest is that you don't have to be ashamed to say your sins; he knows, he has seen you standing on the line to buy a movie ticket, he has seen you smoking cigarettes and buying liquor as he walks from one theater to the next. He knows your sins even before you kneel down to confess it, he knows you inside out. He doesn't frown at hearing your sins, he doesn't give you a long sermon at the end of the confession with a tone of disappointment, his penance is usually no more than three Hail Mary's. The horror that shrouds the confession vanishes like early morning dew when you realize that the person on the other side of the confessional knows that you are a sinner, accepts it and shows compassion, then forgives your sins. 

My problem with confession found an even better solution when I came to USA; many things I was confessing as sins were no longer sins!! Many of those things were common practice here, everybody did it. It cannot be a sin when it is done by the majority, I was relieved. So I quit going to confessions and went without any guilt for a long time.

I gained a lot more confidence in acknowledging my sins after attending a retreat, even then I tried to rationalize many of my sins as things done by normal human beings in their daily life, refusing to confess it as a result. Then one day while waiting on a line at a confessional, pondering what to confess, I accidentally gazed upon the Crucifixion. "HE KNOWS" a voice told me from within; He knows my sins just like the priest from my hometown knew. He knows and He accepts me with all the shortfalls, it is not contempt in His eyes, but compassion. He walked on earth as human being for thirty three years facing temptations, continually resisting the urge to sin. He understands and HE KNOWS. And He is willing to forgive me as long as I am willing to take responsibility by acknowledging my transgressions. I am only forgiven for whatever I confess, I get to keep whatever I try to hide from Him or try to rationalize. He knows about all sins but He is a very noble being, He doesn't invade into my life and try to snatch any of my precious sins away. And believe me, these sins are really precious because it is one of the few things that I get to take with me when I die. It will be my downpayment for a really COOL HOT place for eternity!

For a successful confession, one must be able to see beyond the human form of the priest on the other side of the confessional, and understand it is a time to reconcile with the All-knowing, all- loving and Almighty Creator himself. It is humbling, not humiliating; it is invigorating, not interrogation; it is definitely a privilege, not a penance. Confession is the epitome of God's mercy. It is our opportunity to be a vital part in the body of Christ "who wills everyone to be saved" (1 Timothy 2:4).