Saul's Horse and St. Paul's Race

Conversion of St. Paul
by Caravaggio

The Church today commemorates the fall of Saul of Tarsus, or commonly known as the feast day of conversion of St. Paul. One of the first things that comes to mind when I think about how Saul turned into Paul, is his fall off of the horse. Saul was on his way to Damascus to arrest and bring Christians back to Jerusalem as part of the early Christian persecution. Though the Acts of Apostles give a vivid picture of what happened to Saul during that journey, it doesn't say anything about a horse; it simply says, "He fell to the ground" (Acts 9:4). So where did this horse come from, or does it even matter whether there was a horse or not?  

I will be the first one to admit and the last to realize that I am no Bible expert. I am still confused how to perceive what I read in the Bible - whether it is literal or figurative. But when it comes to Saul's fall, I have no doubt that a horse was involved; not a literal one, but a figurative one. And how do I know this? I know because it takes one to know one; I too have fallen off the horse.

There are many components that go into making of this ingenious horse that no human eye could see - pride, arrogance, self-righteousness, disobedience and addictions are only a few of those components. When you ride this horse, you'll feel like you are invincible. This is when you stand at the front of a ship thought to be indestructible and yell out into the vast emptiness, "I am king of the world" (sorry, watched 'Titanic' way too many times). I had no idea that I was riding this horse while I was on it. It felt so natural; things made sense; I had a plan - I knew what the end result was going to be and I knew exactly how to get there; I needed no help.

Suddenly, a flash of light appeared from above and I was on the floor. That's when I realized I was "breathing murderous threats" and riding a horse all that time. It is an unexplainable feeling to be on the ground in total blindness. It is heart-wrenching to accept the new reality - the awareness that you were blind all along, but just came to realize it. The flash of light from above is extremely painful; it doesn't just hurt the eyes, it pierces into the heart. It is, "sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating even between soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and able to discern reflections and thoughts of the heart" (Hebrew 4:12). 

Though the Church has dedicated a day to commemorate the conversion of St. Paul, it is important for us to remember that conversion don't happen in a day. That's why prefer to call it the feast day of the fall of Saul; St. Paul's conversion didn't happen in one day, it was only getting started.  This is an error a lot of us make everyday: Upon experiencing the fall and hearing the the Lord's call, many get the idea that they have been converted and saved; signed, sealed and delivered. But conversion is a lifelong process. The discernment of blindness and the vision of light are not proof of conversion, rather it is an alert that "we have been running aimlessly and fighting as if we are shadowboxing. It is a call to start the run, to run so as to win, to win an imperishable crown" (cf. 1 Corinthians 9:24-26). 

Religious conversion is a constant process; it is the work of a moment, but it also the work of a lifetime. It is the act of transforming an ugly cocoon into a beautiful butterfly. It is a journey where we learn to exercise our faith by obeying God's will and trusting in His providence. 

Conversion is not just a personal experience; it is enabling others to experience the love of God by making them aware of the invisible horse. It is the process of  "attaining the unity of faith and the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the extent of the full stature of Christ, so that we may no longer be infants, tossed by waves and swept along by every wind of teaching arising from human trickery, from their cunning in the interest of deceitful scheming." (Ephesians 4:13,14). 

Staring towards the end of his journey, St. Paul wrote from the prison in Rome about his conversion - the race he commenced upon falling off the horse on the way to Damascus: "I have competed well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith." (2 Timothy 4:7)