I failed to see the "Light" in Lucy

On Wednesday of this week I tried to write a new article only to realize that I am running on empty - I had nothing to write about. That never happened before since I started blogging. So I decided to wait it out and did my usual readings hoping to get a spark. But nothing. Could it be that I have done or wrote something horrible that God deemed me not worthy to write anymore, the doubter in me began to poke its ugly head by the evening. I usually resort to praying when the doubter shows up since I don't know how else to combat him. Then I had an inspiration to write about "light". And it made sense because we are in the Advent season, the Season of light. So I did that last article "Let there be light". But I felt something missing from that article, as if that's not what I was suppose to write. But I didn't know what else to write about light, so I left it alone.

From attending the Mass this morning, I knew today the Church celebrated the Feast of St. Lucy, a fourth century martyr. The priest didn't say much about her during his homily and I didn't get around to read about her till later on in the evening. And then I got it, Lucy was the "light" that the Holy Spirit inspiring me about. Her name in Latin means "light" (lux or lucis). I should have known this - from my old friend Lucifer (bearer of light). Here are a few things in brief about St. Lucy (please go here if you want to read in detail): Lucy came from a rich family and was betrothed to pagan man. She was living in Syracuse, Italy during a time of Christian persecution. She refused to marry the man, though he was wealthy, because of his faith. In rage, the bridegroom reported her to the governor for being a Christian. Her persecutors took out both of her eyes because the sparkle in her eyes had bothered them. She was eventually killed by putting a sword through her neck. St. Lucy is the patron Saint of the blind.

So I must ask myself: What is it that God wants me to write about St. Lucy and light? Or is He trying to tell me something about the state of blindness that I am in? Because one thing stuck in my mind as I read about this brave young virgin - she wasn't willing compromise. She wasn't going to get married to some filthy poor man - she was going to have a luxurious life after marriage. I think it is even safe to assume that she would have been able to continue her devotion to Christ even after marriage, in secret, behind the closed doors. Nobody would have known, her husband even would have let it go if he found out. But she chose not to be lukewarm, she wanted either hot or cold. 

The situation that Lucy went through is no different from what I go through everyday. Everyday I too get to make a choice between worldly recognition and Godly recognition. But I always compromise and  refuse to make a choice - I prefer things of this world, but I also want my faith. So I practice my faith behind closed doors when nobody's around. I am ashamed to practice my faith in the open because people might think I am not cool anymore, that I am old fashioned. I am afraid to practice my faith in the open because I fear it might work against me in my professional life - I can't risk offending my colleagues and superiors. So I pray only when the circumstances are safe. But every time I pray, I ask for God's protection and I ask for more and more favors from Him. Then I walk out of the room trying to blend in, pretending that God doesn't matter. I hide my Rosary in my pocket and make sure the Scapular is not sticking out through my shirt collar. 

So what does God want me to see through St. Lucy's empty eye sockets? I believe He is trying to shed a ray of light into my soul - a soul that is stumbling through the darkened alleys of compromise, mediocrity, pretense and fear. I have been blinded by giving in to the temptation of taking the easy way out, by conforming myself to fit in with the ways of the world. St. Lucy was a little girl in a world made for big people. In her littleness, she was able to see the glory of God and the riches of His heavenly kingdom, and her eyes sparkled. I wonder if her eyes ever quit sparkling, even after it was removed from her eye socket.