Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Does God still talk to us?

One of the things that concerned me when I began volunteering for Perpetual Adoration was the visitors at the Chapel, or the lack of it. I wanted to believe the  'Real Presence' of Jesus, but it was a difficult thing to believe. And I knew I was not the only one having a hard time believing the Real Presence; what else could explain the lack of interest from the local community. While walking the earth as a human, Jesus never had any problem attracting crowds; they followed him all the time hoping to witness miracles. If it is the same Jesus present in body and spirit at the Adoration Chapel, then where is the crowd, where is the deaf, the blind and mute, why isn't anybody taking apart the roof to lower the paralyzed? I kept going back to the Chapel to cover my scheduled time slot, but I was also beginning to wonder about the futility of my effort. Then one day, while sitting in front of the Blessed Sacrament all by myself, I told Him about my dilemma. I told Him that I really wanted to believe that it was Jesus there right in front of me in person, but the human in me was refusing to accept it. I apologized for my lack of faith, and I told Him that I wasn't planning on quitting, that I was going to be there at my scheduled time slots no matter what. A few minutes later another totally unrelated thought came to my mind, for as long as I could remember, I had struggled with introducing myself to others - I couldn't get a conversation started with a stranger even if I spend hours alone in the same room with a that person. I could talk to anybody for days if the other person took the initiative to "break the ice". As I sit at the Adoration Chapel thinking about it, I felt an urge to tell Jesus about this problem. So I told Him about it and at the end, for reasons unknown to me, I asked to give me the strength to overcome this problem.

A few days later, I was driving down the road where the Chapel sits. I wasn't planning to stop in at the Chapel because I was not scheduled to be there at that time. But suddenly I felt like somebody is asking me to stop in at the Chapel. I knew resistance is futile because of some previous experiences, so I stopped in. It was a weekday afternoon, and I found three people inside the Chapel. When I walked in, I felt the urge to kneel down and pray, so I began praying the Rosary. I also kept my eyes closed to help me concentrate. As I was nearing the end of my prayers, I heard the door to the Chapel opening and I figured somebody must have either walked in or out. But then I heard this whispering noise in my left ear and it said, "Hey look Peggy is here, you should say hello to her before you leave". I immediately opened my eyes to see who that was whispering in my ears and found no one. So I looked towards the door, which was behind me, and saw a lady in her sixties walking in through the door and going towards the adoration register to sign in (volunteers are required to sign when they arrive to adore during their allotted time slots). Now I didn't know who that lady was as I was not a member of that parish, I only went there for Adoration. So I decided to ignore the voice I heard, I figured it must have been my imagination. 

As I walked towards the door to leave after finishing the Rosary, I felt curious to know the name of that woman, so I peeked at the adoration register. To my surprise, the last person signed in was Peggy, and after reading her last name I knew who she was. Peggy was the one who co-ordinated volunteers for adoration, and I have spoken to her one time over the phone in the past while signing up for volunteering, but never in person. And I immediately realized what had just happened - with one shot, God was answering two of my prayers. First, by telling me "Hey look Peggy is here", He was telling me that He was actually there and that He kept track of everybody that comes in, by their names. I could never explain the happiness in the voice I heard, it was like somebody talking out of pure joy when they see a loved one after a long interval. Second, by telling me "You should say hello to her before you leave", He was encouraging me to tackle my other problem - introducing myself to a stranger, and He wanted me to do it right in front of Him. 

So I decided to approach this lady and introduce myself to her. But I had nothing to tell her except hello and who I was. Then I had this crazy idea that if I would do that much, perhaps God would inspire her to say something to me. So I went to Peggy, said hello, and introduced myself. During that brief introduction, I knew one thing for sure that this lady had no clue who I was. She kept looking at me, eagerly waiting for me to say something after the introduction, and I had nothing to say. As I stood there thinking about the awkwardness of the situation, I begged God to interfere, but nothing. So I told her that I recently signed up to volunteer and just wanted to say hello, and immediately walked out of the Chapel. 

As I drove out of the parking lot, I began kicking myself for making a fool out of myself. Then I heard that voice again, it said "You should call Peggy tonight and tell her what happened". I was angry at first, I just embarrassed myself in front of a stranger and the voice was nowhere to be found when I needed it. After all that, I am being asked to call this woman again, "No way I am doing it", I said to myself. And I didn't call her that evening. The next day, I found an email from Peggy telling me that it was a pleasure to meet me in person finally and that she would have never known who I was unless I introduced myself to her. So I called her and told her everything that happened. She was speechless for a moment, then she said that she has been volunteering for adoration for a long time, and never had an experience even remote to it. She also said that being a co-ordinator is lot of work, but she did it because she firmly believed that Jesus Christ is present there in body and spirit. Before finishing the conversation she said that she was extremely happy to know that Jesus called her by her first name, like friends do. 

All during this wonderful experience, I felt so special because I thought Jesus took the time to answer my prayer, exactly the way I would have liked it to be answered. It took me a couple of days before I realized how foolish I was in thinking that I was the star of this story. I was never the star of the story, it was Peggy all along. I was a mere instrument in God's hands for rewarding Peggy's faithfulness, "Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed" (John 20:29). Peggy believed in the Real Presence of Jesus and made time to adore Him, she could have done a lot of other things during that time - spending it with her family, spending it on herself. So God felt that it was time to reward her hard work, and He wanted her to know that in His book, she goes by the name Peggy, nothing more nothing less. And He used the curiosity of a seeker with a problem making friends to do it. In rewarding Peggy, Jesus also made me an ardent believer, with no trouble initiating a conversation with total strangers.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." (Matthew 7:7,8)

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