Who do you say that I am?

Who would you rather be, Simon Peter or Judas Iscariot? The answer is a simple one if we look at how each one of them turned out to be at the end. But what if we omit the events from Passover to Good Friday, how about for the remaining three years or so when both of them were with Jesus as disciples? Simon Peter was a walking seesaw, kept swinging from one extreme to the other, just when you would think that he has settled down in his faith, he would find a way to stir things up with a doubt. On the other hand Judas was hardly ever mentioned during Jesus' ministry, so it is safe to assume that he just went with the rest of the disciples, listening and obeying the teachings of the Lord. 

Recently during a public address, Pope Benedict XVI brought up Peter and Judas. He suggested that those who act like Judas should leave the Church, he then went on to suggest that Catholics needed to be like Peter in their belief of Jesus. It confused me initially, not necessarily because of the 'Judas' remark, but for the 'Peter' remark, was the Holy Father talking about the same Simon Peter who denied Jesus not once but three times? He wasn't suggesting the Church to follow the actions of Simon Peter after Jesus' resurrection, he was telling us to believe like Peter, and that is Peter before and after the Passion of Christ!

The answer for this dilemma lies in the hearts of the disciples; not in their actions, and definitely not in what they have said. One day on His way to Caesarea Philippi, Jesus asked His disciples, "Who do you say that I am?" (Mark 8:29). This was their chance to say what they actually thought who He was. When Peter, under divine inspiration, answered "the Messiah", that was His disciples-including Judas'-opportunity to ask questions about His divinity, but nobody raised their eyebrows. A fisherman by trade, Peter drew a sword at the time of Jesus' arrest, not because he was a skilled swordsman, but because he knew God was on his side, he believed in Jesus the God. Peter wasn't lying when he answered "Woman, I do not know him" (Luke 22:57), that was him being honest, he just didn't know the man who stood silently in the high priest's courtyard. For short period of time, Peter couldn't grasp the humanity of Jesus - the helpless and feeble human body under trial was beyond his comprehension. Peter didn't understand how God could allow Himself to be so small, and so humble. 

Judas never questioned Jesus the Man, but never believed in Jesus the God; he wouldn't have dared to betray Jesus the God, but betraying Jesus the Man was easy. Judas was pretentious, never asked the hard questions that needed to be answered  in order to solidify his faith. Judas put on a show in front of everybody, he pretended to be a faithful disciple while allowing envy to accumulate in his heart over Jesus the Man and His popularity among the crowd. 

Peter understood Jesus the Man from a "look", not a look of accusation, but a look of compassion that reminded him, "No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends" (John 15:13). Peter's honesty paid off when God allowed him to witness God's love in a man's body, this knowledge caused him to weep bitterly. By opening himself up to the mercy of God, Peter went on to become the "rock" on which Jesus built His Church. On the other hand, Judas never understood Jesus the God, even after he was given an opportunity to grieve over his actions. He tried to buy back Jesus with the thirty silver coins because Jesus was something of this world for him, something he could fix with the worldly means. God's saving grace never entered Judas' heart because it was pretentious - he never humbled himself to accept the fact that he was having difficulty understanding Jesus. Thus Judas chose eternal damnation for himself.

"Who do you say that I am" is as valid a question today as it was when Jesus asked it to his disciples. It is a question to be answered by anybody who wants to follow Jesus Christ, not just once but every time we encounter Jesus. Who do we say Jesus is, is He the Son of God who took human form to reconcile us with God the Father, or is He a human being who was given the guise of God by several Jewish elders who grew bitter to the existing Jewish customs of that time? Just know that there are no in between answers to this question, either He is God made Man or He is a man made fake. We either accept everything about Jesus or accept nothing. We don't get to pick and choose, God and His Word are not items on a buffet counter.

What is it that trouble me about Jesus the most? Why do I keep holding myself back from some of His teachings while obeying some other? In doing so, am I not implying that Jesus is right on several things, but not on all things? Do I find consolation in excuses such as "not everybody can be a Saint" or "no one can survive in this world without bending the rules, I only bend them, I don't break it"? How about my personal choices, why can't I forgive others unconditionally, why can't I love others like myself, why can't I resist judging others, why can't I be humble, why do I worry so much about tomorrow, why do I constantly crave approval, why do I let myself down with things of the past, why am I never satisfied? These are  questions that each one of us needs to ask ourselves. Our answer to "Who do you say that I am?" lies in the midst of all these other questions, queries that need to answered before we can say "You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God" (Matthew 16:16). Until then, "These people draws near with words only and honors me with their lips alone, though their hearts are far from me, and reverence for me has become routine observance of human teaching" (Isaiah 29:13). 

"Therefore I prayed, and prudence was given me;

       I pleaded and the spirit of Wisdom came to me." (Book of Wisdom 7:7)