When There is No More Love Left to Give

For the past year or so, I have been writing a lot about love - God's love to be more specific. When God is love, then you can never say enough about His love. One of the things I also tried over the past year is to try to put what I write into practice. While analyzing God's love, it is hard to ignore the reason God is revealing His love to us, His fallen creation. God wants us to learn from Him, from His love. Then He wants us to practice it by loving Him and loving those around us. So the ultimate purpose of our life is to love. Unfortunately though, this is where I fail miserably. No matter how much I try, I always find myself more on the receiving end of love than on the giving end. Why so, I wonder, why is it so hard to love?

If I examine those occasions where I know that I have failed to love, the root cause can always be tracked down to fear. I am afraid of getting hurt in love and I am afraid that I don't have enough love in me for everyone around. 

One of the most noticeable things on the Sacred Heart of Jesus if the crown of thorns that encircles it. As we know, Jesus' heart is overflowing with God's love for us. But it is constantly getting hurt and it is always in pain. It is not a pretty picture, there is blood dripping off of His heart all the time. True love is to love somebody without expecting love in return. True love hurts. Though I enjoy being a recipient of this love, I can't imagine being the recipient of the horrendous pains associated with such love. I can't stand people mistreating my love and not acknowledging the sacrifices associated with it. So I choose to love only when it is safe - only when I know that the person I am entrusting my love with is worthy of it. 

God is infinite - he has no beginning or end, so is His love. But I am a finite being - everything that is me has limitations. If I am limited, so is the love in me. It is scary to think about a scenario where I am out of love. If love every single person I encounter the way I love myself, then how would I make those special ones feel special? So I choose to love only those who deserve it - those who have found favor in me. 

But every time I try to justify my lack of love on the pains attached with it or on the limited supply of it, I am confronted with a question: When did love become a part of me? How did I come to the conclusion that there is love in me to give? I always thought of love as something precious I hold inside me. I get hurt when others trample on my precious love. I analyze and re-analyze my decision to love; it is precious, and it is precious because there is only so much of it. 

Of all the things I have faced with, one of the hardest things to understand and to remember is that love is not a part of me. Rather, I am part of love. There is nothing in me that generates love, therefore I don't own it. Unlike fear, which isn't real, love is real. It is not some sensation that I can give life to in my imagination. When I use my senses to create love, it misfires into lust, greed, envy, and pride. God intends me to be a recipient of His love and then become a channel of it. The love I give is not mine, it's God's love, it doesn't run out. The pain I feel is sanctifying because it is generated from an unselfish motive. The Sacred Heart bleeds not just when we refuse His love; It bleeds every time we refuse to be the channel of His infinite love.